Istanbul, November 1994



Man existed and created,

He created pain, joy, sorrow and merriment

He created friendship, affection, love, passion and hate

He created power

Man existed and created

            and he worshipped his creation






Murat bending upon his table, nearly disappeared among his  complex, wild  drawings and  the  paints that  constantly change colors in  order to adapt themselves to their surroundings.  He was working madly,  as if he had cut all his attachment with the living world. The table was so mixed up, it was so  undisciplined and so vagrant. At the first glance one could understand the lids of paint tubes were lost long ago; these open tubes were lying shapeless in glass jars, brushes of every size, colorful pencils, oils were bursting from the boxes.

The paints that had been taken out of the jars were trying to hide themselves among the papers on the table,  the paints, which are involuntarily leaking from the open tubes were slowly invading the black table.


Murat was around 45 years old, but his friends were  saying that he couldn't succeed to  pass his 14th birthday. He mixed whatever existed in his world: paintings, statues, music... whatever was written in the menu.. He was one of the few people, who was at peace within themselves. He did not have many bad habits except being choosy on food and being too optimistic.


On the wall at his back, three black and white posters were attracting attention. The man on the top, with his unique hair, that resembled cotton candy was, may be the only scientist,  whose face was familiar to a large group of people.


Albert Einstein.


In fact Einstein was pictured here with a violin at his hand but all the people,  whether related to science or not will realize that he looks more like a scientist that a musician.


-Our young guy is flying on the air said Einstein, but without using scientific approaches, you can not create something. The mechanical structures of all the living things have been based on a scientific reason.


A voice rose from the poster right at the bottom:


- Without  the power of imagination, without imagination, it is impossible to approach even  to the most primitive solutions. Human beings have to use their imagination power to dig up the nature and find the basic colors.


He turned his very deep eyes from side to side. He  arranged  first his left mustache than his right mustache, using his right hand's pointing finger . His eyes and his mustache were like his second signature.


Dali ... Salvador Dali...


Einstein looked down to him.


- My dear sir,  please don't forget that even in your utopic fantasies; natural balance, perspective, precision and even science have priority. Can you tell me, that you don't use scientific methods even while you are mixing  the colors to each other? Your creativeness is limited to the power of nature, the principals of science and mathematics.


- Yes, you are right monsignor, but all you have stated are organized  under the power of my imagination and synthesized in the endless curves of my brain.  And didn't you declare, that imagination is superior to information?


- One mustn't confuse between  the two.


Einstein felt into deep thoughts for a moment. His eyes became fixed on an imaginary horizon.


- One mustn't mix scientific imagination with creation.


- All your talkings are so meaningless.


From the third poster  an old, tired, exhausted voice has been risen. The other two pointed their attention to the source of that voice.


- God is the only power that can create. Except him, all the things, that could be named as creation are the hopeless imitations of his power. They seem, as if they are creations. But when the game ends, all the players and all the audience return back to their homes. To him.


Einstein lifted his eyebrows as if he didn't like this idea.  He closed and tightened his mouth.


Jesus Christ was talking. In the third poster, as usual he was pictured on the cross and was looking up with  wonder - wisdom - boredom in his eyes. He shook his head.


- This world is not the real world. What we live in this world is just the rehearsal of a divine game.


 Dali felt the need to interfere


- Such a long rehearsal .. why?


- Please don't forget, that time is a relative concept.


Einstein felt the necessity to interfere. He mixed his cotton candy hair by his right hand, looked around, as if he forgot something.


- Time that seems as millions of years to us, can be only  a few seconds for  God.


The telephone rang.


Murat was continuing to work, unaware of all these conversations. He was startled by the harsh sound of the telephone. While he was trying to answer the phone, his hand hit the water filled jar, that was used to clean the brushes. While it was falling, Murat made a desperate attempt but couldn't prevent what would happen. Most of the water slipped  to the table.  Water thought, that it was his turn to spread out all his hidden bad deeds and dived in between the pictures and the paints. Water gave back all the dirt, that he collected from the brushes.




A lady in mid thirties, who was a blond with greasy hair and narrowed green eyes was on the phone. She was a copy of Madonna.


- What has happened? Do you have a problem? What? You ... You know best.


Her eyes wandered around the almost empty room and fixed on the ceiling.


Six people that were sitting at the tall and lean meeting table was looking to her with bored, silent eyes.

These people, whose eyes had the lost look of an unfinished meeting, shared some mutual points. It seemed as if, the successful roots of the youth of a  different and developed community was put on them like a make-up.   But  from tiny leaks the real structure was grinning. Their personalities  were  trying to come to the facade and were forcing the make-up, expensive cloths and fashionable watches.


The one with circular wire glasses and thinning hair  talked with the self-confidence of sitting at the head of the table :


- What has happened Ms. Dilek? Can't he come?


- No... mmmm... one minute..


Ms. Dilek closed the receiver with her hand, turned her head to the table.


- He couldn't finish.


- No, that can’t happen


The one that whined was a plump man, who looked like the young American Bankers with his striped coat.


- This is the second time.. all the campaign is  spoiled because of him.. isn't there anybody else in this company, who can draw?


While glancing at the group, Dilek talked on the phone.


- Okay, I will call you later. Okay... Eh.. What can we do? It's not important, we will try to handle it.


She closed the phone and turned to the table.


- Sure there are other people Mr. Hayri, but  you insisted on him.


- How could I know, he would delay so much....


Dilek looked very painful and nervous. Than turned suddenly.


- Murat, darling I am afraid you have to handle this.


- You must be joking. I don't have time to breath.


- It is easy for you Murat. Don't be a spoil-sport....


- But Mr. Hayri I still couldn't finish the newspaper advertisement . And six....


- Save us Murat!


Another young advertiser who was making fun of the situation, made a begging signal to Murat. Murat laughed and hit his hands. All made the same begging signal together, as if they practiced on it. Mr. Hayri and the  lady beside her, who seemed like to secretary of Mr. Hayri looked at each other and smiled. The young man that did the "save us" signal first turned to Murat, made an effort to give a snake look to his eyes.


- Must be a very, very beautiful girl...


Murat felt the electricity wave coming from Mr. Hayri.


- Like pure spring water said Mr. Hayri.


Dilek jumped up from her chair.


- Like  pure water ... like pure spring water ... Unbelievable .. the slogan just came out.


Mr. Hayri seemed surprised.


- What? Slogan?


Ms. Dilek who seemed like Columbus unaware of himself because of the shock of his discovery, leaned towards Mr. Hayri. There were victory flickers in her eyes and she was enjoying to observe that the others in the room haven't discovered America yet.


- For the campaign, can there be a better slogan? Pure spring water and this beautiful girl ... you are marvelous Mr. Hayri .


- Yes, he is.


At the end the secretary talked. Her face showed that she really was aware that Mr. Hayri was marvelous but she couldn't understand why. Mr. Hayri chuckled.


- Keh.. keh.. really so.


Raised his head and looked to the others with a mischievous way.


- Eh.. so there is no need to pay for you anymore, I think.


Dilek turned to Murat.


- She can be between 18 -20 years old, so beautiful that if she enters to this room everybody will watch her holding their breath.


- Beauty is a relative concept.


- Nonsense, said another young man sitting beside.


- Beauty is beauty. Otherwise how can all these magazines, films can be marketed.


Mr. Hayri got up. As he always decided about the beginning and endings of the meetings, he leaded the group.


- Tomorrow...we are meeting again, tomorrow.


It was easy to say so. Murat thought about all his waiting works.


- Impossible, I have things to do tonight.


- Tomorrow said Dilek , at the same time.


Dilek looked to Murat. She was saying sorry with her eyes, Murat refused to accept her pardon with his empty, fixed stare.


3 --------------------------------


While trying to clean the table with the napkin, Murat was trying not to drop the receiver that was stick between his head and shoulders.


- We are stuck here again tonight. What? I will laugh at that ... We have chosen the wrong profession. I work all day, all night.. Draw.. draw... What? Come on, what is the relation? I am drawing a girl. What? Nice job, you say?  Come and ask to me.. No I have all kinds of tricks, I only don't want trouble.


The table was nearly dry. While talking, Murat was examining the picture he has saved. He put six-seven A4 sized pictures to the far side of the table.


-Okay, we will meet tomorrow. Tell my regards to Lale.


He closed the phone, looked at the picture for the last time.


- How will we deal with you, young lady?


A small smile flew from the lips of Dali on the wall.


He left the room, washed the jar in the bathroom. Filled it with clean water. Looked to his image on the mirror. He couldn't feel pleased. His tired eyes became more wearied while looking at the reflection. In the room Einstein was talking to himself.


- Time.. time.. health and time are the most precious layers.


Dali looked to him but didn't say anything.


-If I had a little more time... If I had time...


Christ mumbled


- Everybody has enough time to do for, what he has to do..


- A little more...


The door was opened. Murat left the fresh filled jar to the table and sat down at  his chair.  A velvet silence  filled the air. There wasn't  any voice at all. Dali opened his eyes to see what was happening. He looked to Einstein. Einstein also sensed the strange air, was looking around with wonder.


Murat got up, he walked to the tape recorder. Looked to his cassettes on the shelf. Got one, looked surprised. His looks showed that he didn't see that red cassette before. Tighten his lips, put the cassette in. Turned on the cassette player and  went back to his chair.


The music started. Yes, he was listening to this music for the first time. He was sure about that. Shook his head. Made his brush move on the paints and dipped it into water. A wild red was drawing strange figures in the water.






Lively.. dynamic... All the colors got cleaner, the dirt of the night has been washed out, full of hope, brilliant... Cars, people, workers heading to their offices, factories,  the others opening their shops for the first time, weary looked shopkeepers, the pedestrians, who read something and walked, the crowded buses, tiny people running to school,  the long lines...


The door was opened, a head was seen. A young, brown, thin head


- Last stop, he said.


Murat 's head was lying between papers and paints.


- Mmmm... what time is it?


- July 18, 2021. Have you been sleeping for a long time?


- Don't joke with me.  I had to work till morning.


- You don't have to do all the work of this agency. We can get bankruptcy without your help.


Murat sat down slowly, without turning his eyes away from the picture he stretched.


- Is it morning?


- The meeting will start half an hour later, go and wash your face.


- He was still looking at the picture.


- God dam.. All my bones are aching.


His friend looked at the picture.


-Is that her?


-What do you think?


- I don't know


- What do you mean you don't know? I tried more than 50 images, this is great.


-Don't be  angry. Anyway the customer will give the final decision, not me.


He took the picture from his friend


- Don't care for  that stupid. How can he understand what a beautiful picture is.


His friend imitated the monkeys and left the room. While he was putting the picture to the table, he continued.


-Wait, I will be back.


He left the picture on the table.


People were gathering in the meeting room.


He washed his face in a hurry, brushed his teeth and looked his sleepless face and untidy hair. He didn't like, what he saw.


Dali shook his head..


- This child is getting too tired.


Einstein, who was powdering his hair agreed.


-He has too much energy


Dali smiled


Murat threw the towel to the far corner of the bathroom.


Mr. Hayri turned to the secretary


- Last night I watched an interesting movie. The man got paralyzed. Only his brain was working.


The secretary had an artificial smile on her face. She seemed as if she was listening but her mind was on the tea that was being served.


- He became like a  plant.. Richard Dreyfus was the leading actor.


The secretary looked at the other people at the room.


-We have to thank for what we have.


This words made everybody smile. Mr. Hayri looked at the ceiling. That secretary..


While taking the picture from the table, Murat was trying to tidy his cloths.


Mr. Hayri looked at his secretary, his eyes became like a line.


-Is moving or walking so important


The secretary squashed her lips as if to say "I don't know", shook her head.


Murat arranged his hair by his hands. Left the room.


The people in the meeting room were getting tense. Everybody was watching the other's face and getting more bored. Mr. Hayri looked at his watch.


-Is Mr. Murat alive?


His friend that talked to him recently laughed.


-Yes, he is alive but leads to a  life without consciousness like a vegetal life.


The secratary understood the joke and was very proud of her self.


-You mean like a plant...


They all laughed.


Einstein looked towards the door


-I hope he will be successful


The door was opened and Murat  came in.


-Good Morning


Mr. Hayri was drinking his tea, he looked with fixed eyes to Murat


-Let's see it...




In a semi-lighted room two people were working silently with some scientific apparatus. The shadow of the man in front of the microscope was on the mixed-up papers and  those shadows formed funny  shapes..

The other person was working  at the opposite corner of the room, although her hair was cut as short as a man's, her movements proved that she was a real woman.  She transfered a blue colored liquid from the pipette to the tube. Than replaced the tube near many other tubes. Got one of the stickers, wrote a few letters and numbers on it and attached it to the tube.


- Honorable Mr. Engin is not hungry yet?




-I am talking about being hungry


- Me?


-No...Me and the cancer viruses of your friends are also covered in my sentence.


-Sure I am hungry.


-Let's go out and eat something.


-Give me two minutes.


-Okay, you have two minutes.


Engin talked without separating his eyes from the world of microbes.


-All the  methods tried upto now are wrong.


-All the methods are wrong. Here we go again.


- Nothing changed in 30 years. We couldn't kill these small creatures.


The woman got up. She got her umbrella that was leaning to the table. She hold it like a rifle and aimed Engin's microscope.


-One minute, 30 seconds.


-But they found a very good method to kill us.


-One minute 20 seconds


The woman began to approach slowly. Engin got closer to his microscope. He saw the elements  of the edge of the umbrella from the microscope.


-One minute, 5 seconds.


-Okay, Okay... I am closing.


With a rush, he turned of some bottoms. The lights of the microscope went off. He leaned back, stretched.


-Let's go and eat something.


The woman  pressed on the umbrella's button,  the umbrella suddenly opened in front of Engin.






While going out of the office door, Engin was talking very rapidly.


-Look, I don't know how to tell but I always felt the necessity to look to the events from both  ends.


-Are you talking about the relation between us?


While walking, Lale was glancing at Engin.


-A serious explanation is coming. I am ready.


-Please don't joke. About those viruses...


-I should have known. I thought we left the viruses at the 6th floor.


Without paying attention to the cars coming, they crossed the street.


-What did we do upto now? I am talking about the medicine history. Think.


-Don't make me tired while I am hungry. Cut it short.


-Since the beginning didn't we try to kill the microbes and viruses?




-But it is different with  the other animals and living creatures.


-What is different?


- We are taking care of the plants, trees. It is advised us to protect and love the animals.


- To protect and love animals...What do you say, shall we protect and love viruses too?


- I mean something like that. I don't mean protection but we can try something else than killing.


-What ?


-We can try to communicate with them.


Both of them stopped suddenly. They looked each other for a long time.  Lale had a  a joyful, mischievous mask on her face.


- You are very hungry.


While eating in the cafeteria, Engin was chewing rapidly and talking. Lale had a bored face, she wasn't very interested and was pretending to listen.


-But viruses are dangerous, they can kill.


-So the Lions and alligators.


-This is not the same thing.


-Sure not but if we can talk with them, we can be friends. Or at least we can understand, why they cause trouble.


Lale's sandwich felt on the table. She stopped for a minute and because of the thoughts that came to her mind, she gave a small laughter.


-Why they cause trouble.... You have a brain influenza, I think.


-All the living creatures have a place in the ecology.


-Yes, you are getting ill.


-Think about us. We can talk about everything with our friends. Our troubles, our wishes, expectations. But we don't talk these with strangers.


-Being friends with viruses...  Are you serious...?


-There must be a way.


Lale got a bite from her sandwich. Stopped for a minute.


-Think about what we are eating, there must be many microbes and viruses in it.


-Assume that aliens are coming to the earth.




-Don't the scientist say, that we have to communicate with the outer space?


-Do they?


Engin put down his half eaten Hamburger on the table.


-Who can guaranty that aliens don't look like us?


-But that's different.


-The aliens can be giants but they can be as small as a chicken or ...or ... smaller


-Like a virus.


-Like a virus.


-You have brain influenza.


- The problem is finding a way to communicate with these aliens.


-If university authorities learn about it....


Engin stopped. Looked at his hamburger through  his glass. It was like looking to the amusement park mirrors.


Lale stared at him, with pity.


-Look, you couldn't even find a correct way to communicate with me.




-Like the pure spring water? said Mr. Hayri. He looked to the picture from a distance.


-Like the pure spring water. What do you say?


He gave the picture to his secretary. The secretary looked with frightened eyes.  She was not sure whether to say excellent or horrible. Mr. Hayri  understood her dilemma. In order to make the situation clear he said:


-Not bad...I mean the girl is not bad, but she didn't make me think about the pure spring water.


All the room was silent. Dilek knew that a long silence  could mean trouble. She hurriedly said:


-You are right, we have to change her a little.


-The man sitting besides her, supported her hurriedly.


-You are right. In fact I was waiting a different kind of a girl but if we make some changes on this one, it will be okay.


While saying these he looked at Murat. Murat has fixed his eyes to a point at the middle of the table.

As if these conversation was not important for him.


-No.. I  had a similar image in my mind. Only we have to make some small changes..


While saying these, Dilek looked at Murat and making him feel that, she was trying to protect him.


Mr. Hayri began to turn around the picture.


-I mean, I don't know ....


The secretary meowed.


- If she were a blond


Mr. hayri looked at the secretary as if he was looking at a bad designed furniture. The secretary similed.


-The Turkish men prefer blonds..


Dilek got the picture from Mr. Hayri, she placed it on the empty plastic bottle, didn't like it, placed it at the back of the plastic bottle.


-The color of her eyes is very nice. Like water..


-We can make her older or younger.


Another man became more courageous from those words of Mr. Hayri. He sat more still on his chair and said.


-What will this girl wear?


Mr. Hayri looked at Murat


-You don't say anything.


Dilek examined the picture more closely and gave her decision.


-She must be a little bit plump. This girl is too thin.


-It's  Murat's turn to speak,  insisted Mr. Hayri.


All got silenced and turned to Murat. Murat was still looking to a point at the middle of the table.. Than he took the  picture from Dilek. Looked at the girl in the picture. Everyone was looking at him curiously.  He put the picture to the table.


-I have talked, he said. That is the girl.


His eyes met with Mr. Hayri's. He fixed a meaningless feeling to his face. For the counterpart it was a "the doors are closed you can not enter" feeling than  "a yes or no" Mr. Hayri also wore a same type of mask. You can feel him thinking " you play a dirty trick, don't you?".




The weather was not very good. It was not good at all, but they have talked about going to fishing.  While the boats in the marina were playing the role of abounded and unprotected.... a few people were trying to find a solution to their silent problems. They were changing a rope, or a wood piece. It was a pity that people could profit so little from the boats they have purchased for a large sum of money and effort. But the time always works against the swimming worlds.  The short sea season passes very quickly than the boats are left resting in the dirty waters of the marinas. Many sea animals, molds  invade the bottom of the boats. The wind tears their flag, rain enters silently into the deck, that was dried under the sun, than rain drops spread everywhere. But most of the people dream to own a boat. To sail to the deserted places. The need for silence. The ambition of being in the nature and sharing the power of nature with the sails. The need for vast clearings...


Is that why the old sailors always looked very energetic?


Engin was brushing the seagull dirt. Why the seagulls always prefer the wooden boats? They eat in the wooden boats and they shit there. The plastic boats don't have problems like that. Everything was so nice but cleaning this mess made Engin very angry.  Murat was sitting in the front and was burning the ends of the ropes with the flame of the lantern.   If those are not burned, they would open from the ends and become useless.


- Look here hairy brush, do we have to work like a slave in order to go to fishing?


Murat said nothing.


-You give all the dirty jobs to me.


-Be silent and continue to clean, you slave.


-Okay, let's sail.


-We wouldn't be able to catch any fish at this hour.


-I am preparing tea.


Engin left his brushes and went inside. Murat looked after him.


-The butane tube is in the locker.


Engin showed his head from the door.


-I hate tubes,  all my life passes among the test tubes.


He came outside,  replaced the tube and put the water, Murat was still burning the ends of ropes.


-How is everything in the test tube country?


-I am fed up with viruses. Even at nights I dream of viruses. Small, big, curving..


- What are they saying about your theory?


- Impossible, funny, nonsense, childish....


-That means you will be successful.


-Communication ... problem is that...


- That is the problem ... corrected Murat. Did you developed a method?


- I don't want to act like I read in the science-fiction novels but I don't know.. I want to experiment with light and electric . My problem is with the university authorities. If they believe in me, I would receive some money from the experiment fund.


Murat came near Engin, he was swinging the lantern. He hung the lantern to a wall inside,  which looked like the interior parts of a home. In the entrance with four steps you could reach the “saloon”. There were two cabins at the back. And a  small kitchen separated from the saloon  just on the left. A stainless steel basin, small  burner, one kettle, a pan, some dishes on the shelves. A small, lovely kitchen.. In the middle of the saloon  there was a portable table and two portable beds.  The  main pole was going down just near the table.  There was an other cabin at the front. You can see a V shaped bed from its open door. All the  side walls of the boat were covered with books. Murat worked for seven years to buy this boat, but now was using it very seldom.


-That is the problem.. Against all those alive and moving organisms, the nature is silent and still with millions of stone and earth. It doesn't matter how lively and energetic you are. The earth prevents your motions.


- Look, hairy brush.. what happened to the beautiful girl you were drawing?


Murat only smiled. Went out. Turned on the ignition. First a sound was heard than a smoke was seen. He went inside.  Got a bag, opened it. He took a picture from the bag and gave it to Engin.


Dilek shook her head with anger.


-Don't do that Murat, she said.


The women on the phone, asked to the man besides her:


-Are you sure?


- I was there.


- We can lose a customer because of this.


Dilek put her hands to her sides.


-This boy got mad, she shouted.


-What would happen, if he makes some corrections?




Mr. Hayri sat straight.


-Murat will say the last words.


Murat  smiled, while showing the picture to Engin. I have already said the last words.


Engin examined the picture


-You should have been born in America,  Hairy brush..


Murat carried the bag and the picture to his cabin. He looked at the picture again. When he was replacing the picture into the envelope he took it out again and smiled.


-You are the most beautiful pure spring water for me, he said. Than he put the picture into the envelope and went out. He threw the ropes to the dock and  the boat left the harbor, while the seagulls were crying.




Obstinacy is a pleasurable feeling said Dali. Ambition and obstinacy are the main contributors of  determination.


- I agree with you replied Einstein, in order not to be stuck in the middle of the road, you need ambition, obstinacy and patience.  For the motivation to work, you need ambition and obstinacy to go on. 


Christ raised his head


- Weakness  is a very painful and weak concept where as stubbornness and ambition are deadly and wrong behaviors. The real important thing is existing  in the eyes of  God.


-Don't say so monsignor,  you established Christianity with your stubbornness and ambition.


-No.. with patience and love.


- If you love, what you like,  in order to success you will become ambitious. There is a very small line between patience and stubbornness.


These words of Einstein made the other two look at him.


Murat stepped inside.  Than his two friends came in. Dilek shouted :


-Tomorrow night.


Murat placed the picture on a chair just opposite him.


- I will do my best


The other friend got his pencil and approached to the picture.


-We can make her eyebrows ...


Murat seized his friend's hand.. He looked with anger.  For one minute the most violent scenes of the violence films came to his mind. He hit his friend lightly.


-Don't touch her.


His friend was surprised by Murat's behavior. He threw the pencil to the table.


-What did I do?


-Don't touch her. She is very pretty like this.


Dilek touched the others arm.


-Let's go. leave him with his beautiful girl. Don't forget Murat, tomorrow night all newspapers and magazines...


Murat said nothing. He sat down. When Dilek and the other person was leaving the room, he pressed the button of the cassette player. Last night's music filled the air.  It wrapped Murat, got him under its effect. In the dim light coming from the window and the light of the table lamp, Murat put his hands under his head and closed his eyes. He left himself to the magic of his music.


- My beautiful girl  is different, my beautiful girl  is different he murmured.


- If I wanted to change them, what would they say? My beautiful girl is different.


The girl in the armchair winked her eyes and smiled.

Murat continued to talk to himself.


-Do you want me to change?


-Never, said the girl


Murat was happy to hear her reply.


I am what I am... he said. My age, my head, my knowledge.. my talents all form me..


The girl looked at the ceiling, she inhaled a deep breath. Turned to Murat.


- I love your emotions.


- There aren't many emotional men around, said Murat. I mean the type of emotions changed. The emotions earned left their place to the ready-to-consume emotions.


The girl smiled.


- Do you think I am an earned emotion?


Murat opened his eyelids. Saw the girl, that was sitting in the armchair lighted by the table lamp.


He saw her ankles first that he looked up , thought she was one of the girls from the office.


Than he looked at the girl's eyes.


-Oh, my God!...


Than he opened his eyes and closed them again.


The girl got a curvy ruler that was thrown to the table.


- Is this yours?


- I will ask a very classical question. Am I dreaming or  am I  just the victim of a joke?


-What do you do with this funny thing?


- It formed you.


-I understood, you draw curvy objects by that.


-That is not possible.


Murat went back to his chair. His eyes were opened wide because of fear. he threw his head back.


-Oh my God.


He waited for some time. When he opened his eyes the girl was still there .


She leaned down to look at him.


- Are you well?


He looked at the girl with wonder, fear, anxiety and disbelieving. He was frozen. He couldn't move. Only his eyes could move.


- Murat?


- He closed his eyes immediately. He heard, that somebody opened the door.


- Murat.. are you well?


It was Dilek's voice. He tried to move. Dilek was looking inside from the door. He looked at the armchair. Dilek also looked at the same point.


The picture was there in the armchair.




The viruses were moving up and down on the specimen pad of the microscope. They were escaping from each other like the cars of the amusement park. Engin was looking through the lenses and watching them silently. Lale was standing in front of a strange equipment, and her right hand was going on the keyboard of the computer with fear. The only sound visible in the room was the tic tocs of the clock.


Engin shouted with a low pitched voice. 


- Now.


Lale touched to the button of the equipment. The pointers moved, some small lights were seen. Engin without rising his head from the microscope murmured.


- God dam..., they don't give any reaction.


- We can give a higher voltage..


- It is already high, they will burn.


-And ...


-No, it is not happening, nothing happened. The answer is not electricity. Light also didn't give any response.  It was impossible in fact as the world of viruses is a dark world.


-A dark world.


- I was hopeful from this electricity experiment. Bad luck.


-This means your theory is wrong.


-This means, we will try something else. The theory is not wrong.


- I mean..


- I mean.. I mean ... don't you other word know!


-It's: Don't you know any other word?


-Whatever it is...


-Don't try to make me pay for your anger and failure.


Engin looked at Lale's face, her eyes, deep inside her soul. Than closed the light of his microscope roughly. Than closed down the equipment and computer. The electronic sounds stopped. He got up and left the room in anger. Lale looked after him for a long time.


- You can not even communicate with me..


Engin went down from the stairs  of the building very rapidly and threw himself to the street. The city was as alive as ever and shoutings were heard everywhere. He walked with a fast pace. He stopped suddenly and began to walk to the opposite direction. Than stopped again. Than turned to his old direction. He crossed the street without paying attention to the heavy traffic. He saw a couple of lovers in the park, watched them while passing by. A child was holding the hand of an old lady, while passing by, he stuck out his tongue to the child and the child threw a stone to him. Engin lowered his head in order to be protected from the stone and stuck out his tongue again. The old lady was watching with astonishing eyes.


He went to the café he liked and found a table near the door. The waiter came immediately.


- What would you like to have sir?


- Arsenic, please.


He wasn't looking at the waiter, but was staring to the window.




-Coffee, without milk and sugar, just plain coffee


-Sure, sir




He took out a small notebook and a pen from his pocket. From a TV at his back some reflections were seen on the glass. The screen was full of aliens. They were like robots and trying to shake his hand.


-I am ZX-27 from the planet Zork. I am a goodwill messenger.


He looked at the street. Near the glass a cat sitting on it's tail, was looking at him.


- I am an unsuccessful scientist from the planet Earth.  Do you want to communicate with me?


The cat closed his eyes. The waiter appeared again.


- Do you want something?


- No, no, I was talking to the cat


While serving the coffee the waiter looked at the cat, his face was expressionless


-You don't have to use words, while talking with the animals. They understand our thoughts.


-Do you feed an animal?


- I have a dog. A common, street dog. He will sense whatever I feel.


- Than there must be a link of communication between two of you,


-Communications link...?


Engin looked cynical at the waiter.


- I'm.. Sorry sir, we are very depended to each other. He never leaves my side at home. Always near me, like a magnet. Your coffee is getting cold sir.


- Thank you, I can never drink hot coffee.


- Do you have an animal?


-  I have millions of viruses.


- That's a good joke.


- Not a joke, it is real


- Are you ill sir?


- Kind of.


The waiter looked at Engin's face. He wore the mask of  " I didn't believe in you". Engin got his coffee cup. Looked  through the window. The cat was there and was still looking at him.


There is an invisible wall between me and you man, I can not reach to you.





The early hours of the morning. A green forest. Small trees hanging about untidily were mixing each other in various of tones of green under the big and older trees that are used to watch them and are proud to know, the rich flavor of the air belonged to them.  The  sky had a fairy tale blue could only be seen through the openings of green cover. Some light rays were descending quickly and forming a shadow theater.


On Sunday mornings the running track is usually empty. Murat was seen at the beginning of the track that was filled with birds singing and the shadow dances of the light. He always preferred to wear a T-shirt and a short, instead  of the traditional jogging costumes.


For some time he ran, looked around and ran. As if he was looking for somebody. Than heard a voice from behind.


-Were you looking for me?


Murat didn't think, she was talking with him..


- Murat?


He turned around while running. He was going to fall down but prevented the fall in the last minute. He was very surprised.  He was hardly standing on his feet.


- Hello...


This must be a resemblance but such a resemblance was unbelievable.


- Hello... do we know each other?


- Come on. Didn't you draw me?


-Draw? You?


Than he thought, his friends were joking with him.


Dilek... it must be Dilek...


-Is it Dilek?


-Who are you?


-You know it better than me.


-In reality, who are you?


- What do you think?


-You look like the girl I drew.


- Just look like.. How can somebody look exactly  like her?


-You mean, you are that girl?


A fat man, tired, breathing noisily came near. He was sweating badly. He just was going towards the girl. Murat shouted in panic.


- Hey pay attention.


The man looked back with an expressionless face. He thought Murat was saying something to another person, not him. Didn't change his direction and passed through  the girl as if she didn't exist. While passing he saw, that Murat was staring at him.




The girl was just standing there. Murat was in a shock.




His eyes turned to the man and to the girl again.. The man continued to run.


- I hope you are fine.


-Didn't he hit you?




- But he passed through you.


- I do not exist in his world.


-What do you mean. Whose world?


-Didn't you draw me? I am only in your world.


Murat approached her and touched her cheek.  The girl was looking in his eyes.


-Here, said Murat. You are as alive as I am.


-For you. Only for you.


- Is this a game?


- No I exist for you, because you dreamed of me. You wanted this to happen. You drew me for this purpose. I am here only for you. As you desire me , I will stay as much as you want, at any form you want. Like you dreamed.


-This is impossible.


The girl came near and held his hand. There was a mystery in her eyes that were more glittery than the sun rays falling down between the trees. Murat for a moment thought, that he saw himself in those eyes. This was a game, no doubt about it but.. but... He quivered.  &&&&&&


- Who are you? What is your name?


- I also wonder about it. You must have given a name to me..


- Me?


- Didn't you draw me?


- I drew you? Yes, I drew a girl like you, but that was a paper lady.


-  Paper Lady? It can be .. It is very different. I liked it.


- What did you like?


-  The name "Paper Lady".


Murat felt, that some electrons were changing places between his two ears. A wind swang the trees. The shadows on the ground changed places for a short time than they got thie old shapes again.. He looked towards the horizon. Turned his head to back suddenly and gave his hand.


- Come Paper Lady.


He held her hand. They looked each other for a long time, when vanishing at the end of a narrow curvy path. A small girl, who had a green hat on her dark hair,  while jumping with a rope  walked  to the same path.




The boy was around 5 years old, the girl was 7. The boy made a telpher between two chairs and was moving a video cassette cover. The girl sat on the floor, clutched  the pillow, watching something on the television. When the video cover was passing in front of the TV, she was getting disturbed.


-Don't do that, shouted the girl. Don't you have anywhere else to play?


The boy continued to pull the video cover, he was producing some motor sounds at the same time.


Sinan .. I am talking to you .. move that thing out of my view.


In front of the bathroom a tall, brown haired  woman between her thirtyfive / forties, who had the looks of a Red Indian was trying to hang some shirts.


- Cidem's  school  expenses must be paid.


She couldn’t manage to hang the cloths.


- We have to buy her school cloths in these days  too.


-Water was running in the bathroom. The woman thought, that she wasn't heard.


-Did you hear me ? The school expenses and the cloths I said.


There was no answer, still the water was running.


- Mammy tell something to Sinan. He doesn't let me watch TV.


- It is a lie mom. A lie.


- Sinan, don't frustrate your sister. Go and play in somewhere else.


-The woman picked up some toys while passing by.


- If you don't tidy  your toys, I will throw them away. How many times have I to say, collect them... Do you hear me?


The kids didn't even listen.  The women let the room still murmuring something. Another scream was heard from the room.


-Look at this mess; Sinan, Cidem how did you manage to do all these..


Cidem looked angrily to her brother


-It is all your fault.


Sinan just stick his tongue.


In the TV there was a concert and it wasn't clear whether the young man was singing or screaming.

The powerful rhythms had  converted the TV to a drummachine.


Cidem made a face.


- Mom... is something burning in the kitchen?


The women rushed to kitchen..


- Off... how will I manage to do all the work.


The Kitchen door slammed.




The blue car started with a loud sound. Murat and his wife were sitting in the front, the two children at the back.


Murat was driving in silence, his wife was talking about, what Sinan did in the kindergarten..  Sinan and Cidem were playing and fighting eachother at the back.


- Yesterday he tried to hit two of his friends. All these are because of that horrible TV programs. The children can not play normal games any more. Hahhh.. the teacher is planning to leave, asked if we can find a job to her. I said we would try.


Murat was listening.


The car was directed out of town. They passed from a heavy traffic and arrived to Eskihisar. There were a few cars in the parking zone.


He looked around.


- I am surprised, today it is not crowded.


They began to walk near the sea shore. His wife was talking continuously.  They passed by the boats for rent and approached to the dock. A few fishermen were pulling the thick ropes. Some people were looking to the sea idly. Murat saw someone waving to him.  Even the blue jean and fishermen coat were not hiding her beauty, even the old hat she was wearing.


First he didn't pay any attention. There were too many people around, she could wave to anybody. As he came nearer to dock, he was shocked.


That was her..


The Paper Lady.


His whole body began to  tremble. The girl was still waving to him. Murat somehow feeling guilty, raised his hand and waved shortly.  His wife couldn't give any meaning to this waving.


- Who are you waving to?


- Hmm.. To a friend from the office.


- Who? Where?


- Over there, does waving to us..


- Waving ? I don't see anybody waving..


- Near that man, who are pulling the ropes.. look to right.


-I still can not see anybody. One of those people who pull the rope?


Murat suddenly remembered that Paper Lady existed only for him. All, what he is now living were fake, a tale but now he sensed that he would enjoy living it. He liked it.


- Oh no, went to the back part of the dock.


- Who was that?


- You wouldn't know. Started to work recently with us.


He turned to look to the dock. Paper Lady was watching the fishermen. They pulled the thing from the sea at last. It was a dead body. Paper Lady shut her eyes and turned her back. Murat was also startled . Although he was far away, this scene affected him, too. First he was upset because the dead man's cloths were at the same color of his own cloths. His wife and children were unaware of this event and were talking.


They passed the dock and continued to walk. Murat turned back and looked time to time.




Love is the most sacred feeling in the universe said Einstein. And in order to preserve love, the mind and logic should work with whole capacity or love will fly away in a very short time.


Dali answered back with a faint smile.


- You are again in your cornered world monsignor. In front or at the back of love there mustn't be any concrete feelings. Or love wouldn't exist. Love needs complete freedom and limitless feelings.


Einstein sent back a know-it all look.


- My dear sir he said, although love is limitless, it is the most fragile feeling. It can be hurt, it is very sensitive to all the effects. It is not donated with wisdom and information like logical love.


- That is because love is beautiful.


- Love starts with knowing about, what you will love. If you know it and value it with your wisdom, love occurs. But there is no place for wisdom and information in love. So wisdom has to protect love from outside.


Dali didn't agree with him.


- Wisdom will restrict love, than love will become  a mixture of feelings formed from logical love , jealousy, hate, sorrow and mistakes. That is the end of love. Look monsignor, let it go until it goes... but free.. but limitless.. The important thing is not the duration, but what has been shared.


Christ began talking at the end as usual.


-  Love can only be between man and the God. The love between people is also sacred but  the roots of this feeling  is finding  God in the image of another person. Here the bodies only have the duty of conveying the love.


- You mean the people who doesn't believe in God, can not felt in love?


Christ wasn't surprised hearing Dali's words.


- They are also creations of God. Even if they couldn't discover that holly spirit in their souls, they were also made from mud by God.


Also there are many ways of love.. said Einstein. You can love a piece of stone, a thought, a song..


-Those are also God in different shapes. His divine power can be found in every beautiful thing.


- Look, said Dali, I paint both the beautiful and the ugly in my paintings. If there isn't God in the ugly than tell me monsignor, why the people like my paintings.


Einstein  felt the necessity to talk


- Beauty and ugliness are just the inside and outer parts of a coat. You wear them together. If you turn one you will see the other. Because of that you should pay attention while wearing that coat.


The door is opened, Dilek looked in


- Murat is not here, I wonder where he is..




- When I saw you waving from the dock, I was scared.


-  You wanted to see me there.


- Right, but I couldn't know what to do. All my thoughts are becoming real... how can I explain? At one side there are my wife and children, at the other side my dream lover.


- Do you feel guilty.


- Yes, I think so. I mean what I live is a very different thing. Didn't hear about it before. I don't know how will I analyze my feelings.


- But you love your wife...


- Sure I love her. I love my house, my children.. Like everybody. But this isn't the problem.


- That’s what everybody lives, but they also imagine better things.


-You are right said Murat, nobody is enough for anybody. At the first days the feelings are  fresh, the relation is unexplored, both parts try to seem pleasant to each other and all these make logical love stronger.  Real love is not a necessity. Sex and variance also add color to the relation.


- But usually all that don't last long. They melt away.


Murat put his hands in his pockets.


- Yes, the essence is to be happy.  When the veins get weak, they can not feed love. It dries.  Love leave and mutual living comes. The human loves only himself but isn't aware of this fact. In general his self-protection instinct and anxiety to find a secure place in the society make him go on living. He loves his partner with the same kind of a love. Love and respect seems as if   but for real happiness the conditions are more complex.


- There aren't any conditions for happiness. If you are situated properly you are happy or not..


- No in order to be happy, you have to accept the heavy conditions. If your partner also feels the necessity for the same things you can be happy.


Paper Girl lowered her eyes and looked in Murat's eyes.


- But happiness is not black and white. There are limitless tones of gray.


- Murat stopped. He took his hands from his pocket and put them to his sides.


- Right, do you know what is funny? All those are in my head, I only discuss with myself. I don' see any difference. I am discussing with myself. You are like my other half.  No, no not exactly. You are the ideals, happiness I kept hidden in my hearth for a long time . I don't know, I feel as if I tried to find  you in all my life.


- You know me very well, won't this make you unhappy?


- Knowing you?


- You created me. I only know as much as you know, I can love only as much as you do. In my world there is only you. There won't me any surprises.


- No, the people love themselves most. This feeling is very strong  especially in artists. And everybody is full of surprises.


- If I am perfect for you ..


- You are not. Nobody can draw a perfect figure. I am not perfect. You are the most powerful focal point of my dreams.


- You are the only man in my world. I can see everything, everybody but can only appreciate what you do, and love what you love.


Murat started to look to the sea.. He felt deep in thoughts.

- To be in love with you or not... To live a very different and  intensive feeling or not to live at all..  Oh my God, what am I saying. Those are all very ridiculous.


- The job of the iron merchants is better...


- Aaaa, you stole those words from me.




Paper Girl looked at the rocks. Turned back.


- Don't forget you are in love with yourself.


The small fish in the sea scattered rapidly, they melted, they disappeared. Murat remembered the dead body that the fishermen pulled from the sea.  He looked to that direction, walked after the Paper Girl.




Engin turned the container full of cultures he was holding than showed it to light, than put it  back to the table. He got up, went to the telephone. Began to dial a number. Than he decided not to call. He put the receiver to its place. Again sat down, got the container.


- Hello, this is Engin. The man who watches you everyday, without getting tired or bored. The man  who invades your personal lives, who does all kinds of  tortures to you.  The so called communications master, virus physiologist..


He turned to the other side, winked to the mirror.


- Man, you couldn't solve your own problems, how can you understand the viruses?


Again replaced the container, got up. He again got the receiver. This time he was able to dial the number. An answering machine opened up. He waited for some time.


- Dear answering machine he said. I am happy to talk to you. Can you give me your name?


He closed the telephone with a nervous smile. A disturbance happened outside. People were running to all directions, they were shouting. He heard two gun shots. He went to the window. A  crowded group had trapped someone with a gun to a corner.  Someone was laying with pain on the street. The trapped man was shouting continuously, but nobody understood what he said. The people were coming near the man. He aimed the gun to his head. Engin turned away.


- I can not watch this.


And the gun exploded. People screamed. The screams were reflected to the TV news than they disappeared.




Mr. Hayri looked at the advertisement drafts for a long time. Dilek and her friends were watching him in silence.


- Interesting said Mr. Hayri very interesting.


Dilek became happy with this reaction.


- We were also surprised at first but as they become so vivid so beautiful, we wanted to consult you before giving a decision.


- I have to confess they are quite good. I like this one best.


He left the magazine advertisement to the table. In a tropical forest Paper Lady was together with a faceless man.


- The men will put themselves in the place of this man, but what the ladies will think I don't know.


- The same is valid for women.


While saying these, Dilek got the picture.


- The women will put themselves in this woman's place, the man will put themselves in the man's place.


Yes said another woman. The best part is that the man is faceless. Mystic.. Surprise. Imagination is the leading feeling.


Right said Mr. Hayri. I also thought like that at first. If Mr. Murat was here, we would discuss with him..


Dilek looked around.


- Murat is in his room working. He had an important thing to do.




Murat was inside of a pastel drawing of a tropical forest. He was lying down near a tree and watching the sea. This was the picture he made for the magazine advertisement. There were palm trees, a sandy shore, blue sea and the limitless blue sky.


Two colorful parrots passed flying. Murat was watching the wet line  between the sea and the sands it was the point, where the sea is making love with the sand. Paper Lady was in water up to her ankles.  She was wearing a colorful dress like the ones seen in Polynesian Islands. With the motion of the water her skirts were moving. She bend  over, put her hands to water and took a brilliant starfish.


- Look at this... have you seen anything more beautiful?


The starfish jumped up. While the blue sky was  getting dark the starfish became a comet, between the stars, it moved away, leaving a brilliant path behind.


Murat and Paper Lady were watching the lights on the sea, they were sitting on a rock.


- All these are imaginary.


The girl answered without leaving her eyes from the sea:


- It would be better for you to live, instead of questioning. These are all your feelings, your emotions and will go on as long as you wish.


- But I want you to be real. I want you, to have your own character, identify the parts I will love, the parts I will not love.


- But everybody lives like that.


- You are right.


- You can live as you wish. In my world there is only you and I love you.


- This is as if I talk to myself.


Murat looked around. He was in his room, at his table. He got a paper and a pen.


- Will you draw me?


Paper Lady was surprised.


- Me? I thought you were the artist.


- Will you?


- I will try..


Murat looked into her eyes. Her eyes were laughing.


- Let's find out, how you see me.


- Let's find out...




Engin folded the newspaper he was reading and put it on the table. The waiter approached, leaned.


- All the news are bad, aren't they sir?


- The relations between people got thinner and some are ended.


- But the machines are communicating very rapidly.


- There are men still at the front of machines. People... millions of harmless cells.


- Why are we trying to harm each other, I can never understand sir.


- Lack of communication. If there isn't much population, communication is well. When there are a lot of people, communication gets weak. We are always fighting. Different religions, different cultures, different colors, different races, different sexes, different profits.


His eyes were full of fire. Engin raised his voice, adrenaline increased in his blood.


- You seem as if you didn't sleep well last night sir.


- I worked..


- What is your profession sir?


- Me ... I am a doctor.


- Was there a seriously ill patient?


- No, not exactly. Viruses. I am working on viruses.


- Give a shot  or something like that?


- No, not exactly.. How can I explain.. It will take a long time. A very deep subject.


- I got psychology training for three years.


- Really, why do you work as a waiter, than?


- I couldn't graduate. But it is not important. I like to be a waiter. I am writing something.


- What.. You write?


- Some stories, a novel .. like that..


- Really, I couldn't find any relation between being a waiter and a writer.


- You couldn't. My equipment is the people. The people who are not aware of the others, who doesn't know anything about the other. The ones that only share the same table for half an hour.


- Funny, but reasonable.


The waiter got the cup from the table very politely. He got up but didn't go.


- Nobody has to show himself. And even I don't know them, I can go and say hello. That is the most interesting point of being a waiter or a shop keeper.


Engin  approached a little.


- Do you listen what they are talking about?


- Sometimes.. if they are interesting.


At that time, a fat man, with a gray suit, sitting at the back called the waiter.


- Waiter ... will you look?


The Cafe was nearly empty.  It seemed, as the waiter forgot that fat customer. He walked at that direction.


- Yes, sir.


- I have been waiting since half an hour, you didn't even turn your head. The conversation was interesting I suppose. What kind of a waiter you are. If you were working for me, I would have kicked you in a couple of hours.


His voice was getting louder. The waiter looked at Engin, Engin moved his eye brows and smiled to show that he was with the waiter, the man was still talking.


- If I were the boss...


The waiter moved near him, as if he doesn't want anybody to hear, he told to the fat man's ear:


- I am sorry sir, this gentleman is a cop. He suspects a bomb is placed in the building and he is waiting for the deactivation-experts.


The customer froze. He asked in a low voice.


- Bomb? Are you serious?


- We were discussing, whether to evacuate the restaurant or not?


- Oh.. my God.


The man took out his wallet.


-How much do I have to pay?


- The policeman think, it is a false alarm.


- Anyway take this..


He took some money from his wallet and gave it to the waiter.


- I will bring your receipt sir


- No need, no.. thank you.. the rest ist for you...


He left the restaurant in a hurry. While passing by, he looked at Engin, Engin watched him until he disappeared. The waiter was cleaning the table as if nothing happened.


Engin began to read his newspaper. The door was opened and Lale came in.


- I knew, I would find you here.


- I didn't go home.


- You again worked till morning.


- I can not leave them... I can not leave these creatures.


- Don't say that. You cannot leave them, as you don't want to leave them.


The waiter came. Lale gave a quick decision as always.


- One coffee without sugar and milk.


- Yes, madam..


- Not like that, said Engin, there is a different kind of link between me and these creatures. They draw me to their side. Like a magnet.


- Did you read the papers, there is a news about yesterday's events.


- Sure, ... I understood now.


Engin's eyes wide opened, they became very brilliant.


- Magnetic fields... Electromagnetic communications..


- 6 people were wounded. They were talking Mountain-Turkish?


- Like a computer... Communication can be made with the alteration of  the magnetic fields. Oh my God.


- What, like a computer?


- Why not? It can be... Why didn't I think about it before?


- Again, brain influenza.


-Lale... this time I am sure that I flipped. I have just a feeling, but I think I did it. Eureka....


-Your coffee, madam.


The waiter appeared with a cup of coffee. Instead of the usual cup, he put a pink and gray colored expensive looking cup to the table.


Engin held his breath, he wanted to scream, than he recognized the real existence of the waiter. The waiter also was aware of the tense air and was ready to listen everything. Lale looked to Engin than to the waiter.


- Do you want milk madam?


- No, thank you.


Engin tired not to show his expression. The waiter was sorry for not getting any information. For one second their eyes met. Than he turned back an went away.


- I guess your viruses passed to the waiter too.





A hand turned the light of Murat's room on. He was sleeping inside. Dilek came in. Without waking him up, she looked at the drawings, selected some. Than turned to the wall. On the board there was a new picture, just near the girl there was a picture of Murat.




The sea was not very smooth and it was gray everywhere. The see, the sky.. The big sails also has became the slave of the wind and the waves and the boat was sailing slowly as the wind wished. Two people were sitting at the back of the ship, their hands were moving constantly. Their cloths had the worn looked of aged fishermen.



- Yes, I am crazy but you are more crazy than me, hairy brush.


Engin was talking with his eyes fixed on the sea.


Murat looked to Engin. Their eyes met. For some time they just looked each other.


-Yes .. yes.. what I do is as mad as what you are doing said Engin but..


Murat dipped his hand to the pink bucket, got a small fish, put it to the deck. The fish was moving hopelessly.


- Do you see that?


Engin just smiled meaningless. Like a competitor that couldn't give answer to the final question in a quiz show, he looked at Engin.


- The fish?



- Look at this fish. This living organism. It feels pain, happiness, has blood veins, eyes, mouth. I eats, moves. Now is frightened and tries to run away.


- Eeeee?


- Can you create something like that? The hearth, muscles, stomach, body, brain, The electron jumps in the brain?



- What do you try to say?


- All we do is to ruin. The creation power of man has a limit. We can not create a small fish or even a small ant. But in an hour we killed around 50 fishes. Their organisms stopped functioning. We killed them. When we take the pesticide spray in our hand, we kill many wonders of nature.


- Yes, but..


- To create is something beautiful. Yes, may be I created this girl in my brain, but I created her, I am happy.


- I didn't say anything about that. In fact...


Engin shook his head, he was troubled.


- Isn't real. It may seem ridiculous to you, Engin but I want to live this dream.


He took the fish and threw it to the sea. The fish was motionless for some time than it became alive and dived.


Murat laughed with anger.


- Look what we are doing. We just kill the creatures that have no relation with us, we kill them just for fun.


He took the bucket and poured it to the sea.


- We kill them... Without  mercy,.. we kill them with joy.


Engin froze.


- But all living things eat each other in order to survive.


Murat stood still.


- Yes, that is what makes me unhappy. A beauty, a creature can only survive by killing many other creatures.


- But if you ask me hairy brush, the number of living things are continuously increasing.


- The population of the human being is increasing.


- Anyway


- I am  now together with somebody that can go on living without killing any living organism.


- Do you really believe in this?


- Do you really believe, that you will talk to the viruses ?


- Sure, I believe.


- I also believe in my dream.  In fact it is more than believing. I touched her, I talked to her.


- I don't know.. It can be.. May be...


-It happened. I believe, that it happened.


- Sometimes, we believe in what we want to believe. We just believe in stories, dreams without looking for any evidence.


- This is real.. The most beautiful real thing in my life.


- You are in love.. What is her name?


- No, love is not a strong feeling to express my feelings.


- What is her name?


- Paper Lady. Her name is Paper Lady.


Murat was so happy.


- To worship your creation


- In all my life I tried not to ruin anything. Killing is an instinct but now for the first time I am creating something.


- Paper Lady?


Murat began to watch the horizon. Engin stared at him. His fishing rod moved, a fish was suffering at the end. Without showing it to Murat, he let it return back to the sea.






-Draw a man.


-A man?


Murat felt as if he was crashed between two trucks. Mr. Hayri continued.


- A very handsome man.


Murat  stammered.


- But why a man?


- Do you think, only the men drink water? It was a joke. Now we have a new product, it is mineral water.


Dilek raised her head from her notebook.


- We couldn't explain it to Murat yet.


Still looking at Murat, Mr. Hayri brought some papers.


-Everything is here.  The girl was very successful, I want the man to make us more successful.


Dilek opened her eyes wide.


- We want a man for that girl.


The secretary was excited.


- The most handsome man.


Murat felt as if his hearth will stopped beating. There was a pain inside.


- But, why a man? I can draw another girl.


- No, said Dilek, we want the lover of that girl.


This was a nightmare.. A real nightmare..


-The lover of that girl..


The lights were turned off.. The rain stopped and heavy snow began. Murat inhaled a deep breath in order not loose control. He had to say no, but he didn't know how.


- I can not draw a man. I never drew a man.


Mr. Hayri smiled and  wrinkled to him.


-There is a first in everything. If I can  be your model, you may be successful.


The secretary laughed.


-What is that, girl? You don't think I am handsome?


-No, Mr. Hayri, I didn't laughed at you.


She became all red.


Murat calmed down.


- I will try.


- You don't have to rush this time, it would be good if you can draw it until the meeting tomorrow night.


While saying these Dilek gave Murat some drawings. Mr. Hayri looked mischievous.



- This time we can name it as the prickling water


Another advertiser said


- The aggressive water?


Dilek laughed


It will be bad for your stomach.


-Bubbled water                          


-The water, that will change your life, prickling water.


Mr. Hayri was insisting on prickle. Dilek had to control the events.


- Ones it was successful, doesn't mean, it will always be successful.


The secretary held her nose up.


- You don't know Mr. Hayri


Murat leaned on the table, his soul had already left the room.


- I want to have a holiday.


Dilek laughed.


- Draw that man and than go.


- No, I want to go, before drawing.


- Nonsense..


Mr. Hayri decided to make Murat happy.


- Draw that handsome man. I will pay your holiday costs.




Einstein shook his head.


- There isn't any concept as as being hopeless. Every problem has a solution. If there wasn't, the balance of nature wouldn't exist.


-You are right, said Dali. You are right. But you forgot to mention a small point. The methods to find solutions to the problems.


-There lies the secret of success. The solution can be very easy to find or can be hidden  among many barriers. The most important thing is finding a method to see it. It would be ridiculous if you try to pass the ocean by walking, it would also be ridiculous to take a plane, in order to cover only a few meters.


-Here I do not agree with you monsignor. Everybody can walk a few meters, but the enjoyable is to take a plane for that few meters. That is adventure.


-If adventure is carried out of logical concepts, black hole syndrome is seen. You find yourself in a nightmare, where it is impossible to wake up.


-That is the magic of adventure, monsignor.


Dali closed his eyes and took a deep breath.


-If people live without adventures, they would be like those chairs, because of that we create problems and try to solve them. The most beautiful thing is to work for success. Victory may seem as the peak point, but in fact in victory enjoyment ends.


-My dear sir, How can you tell something like that? All those people, that were put into jails because of their thoughts.


-They willingly chose to be in that struggle. Yes, I say it again. They wanted to be a part of that. Even the physical pains caused a happiness in their souls and they were proud of their situations.


Christ felt the necessity to talk.


- The man does not live for the sake of existence. He is here, because God wanted him to be here. He lives and works. What will happen is already decided. There is a concept called predestination. Human can not change their destiny. They live what they have to live. Nothing more, nothing less...  


Dali laughed


-If God is so powerful and knows what will happen, than why doesn't he create the end from the beginning, but play with us.


-God aims to start and create, not end. He creates and controls


Dali laughed mischievously.


- He creates, that is fine, but he can not control very well.



- You can not discuss the order he created. There is a reason for every stone he placed.


-Did he create humans to ruin the nature, what do you think?


Einstein interrupted:


-Human beings are also a part of the nature. The destruction man makes, is also a part of the system, that preserves the  ecological balance.


-Come on, monsignor. That is funny. How come a scientist like you  can defend the horrible things man do?


-I don't defend them, signor. But if some animals and plants are getting extinct, nature finds a necessity for these to happen. So the ecological revolution is made.   


Christ smiled.


- I agree with you, my son. Nobody can do more than he is predestined to do.


Dali opened his eyes  impudently.


- What do you mean. The white rhinoceros were extinct because man hunted them. Is this for the ecological balance. There is only one creature that ruins the ecological balance. That is the human.




- Don't forget my dear sir, human didn't play any role in the disappearance of Dinosaurs and plants of the ancient age. Can you understand?


Christ lowered his head


-That was an experiment done by the God. All living things are perfect. They live as God wants them to live and return back to him at the end. God give them power to resist and he can get the power back, than send new forms of living organisms to Earth.


Dali smiled


-He can take back his creations, he can take me back. But I am more powerful than him. He can not take back my creations. Even centuries will pass and my creations live. In order to destroy them, he has to destroy the nature.


Christ didn't like those words.


-You creations are the reflections of god to paper, canvas, mud by using you. Please don't be misguided.




-Don't be misguided sir. You don't create anything. Only God creates. Hah, ha , ha...


Dali also laughed. Christ got angry. He turned his face to the other side.


-All your paintings, other paintings, the statues, they are all the reflections of God.


-Than said Einstein, the "girl" Murat drew is the God himself.


-Yes, ... that girl... you are right monsignor


Einstein stopped


-Than God is a girl, a very beautiful girl...


Christ got angry.


-Don't joke with God.


- I always thought, God was a man.


While saying these Dali scratches his head.


The door was opened with slam. Murat came in, he was very angry.


-No, I don't want to draw a man.


He threw his files to the table, the files felt from the table, some papers felt down.


Murat sat in the chair across the table.


-I don't want to draw a man.


-Here, said Einstein, we will see God change sex in a few minutes.




The demonstration was very crowded. Engin got bored while watching that scene from TV.


-What a place . People can not even breath there.


Lale was sitting at the floor, playing with game cards. The brand new cards were glittering on the old carpet. The room was very dark and gloomy with the brown, black, gray furniture.  Even the books had the same colored covers. Only the game cards, television were colorful, glittering.


-I haven't told fortune since many years


-Why do those people demonstrate, how can they come together?




-Not only money. The birds and fish also move together.


- Each  group  is directed by one leader. Only one leader.


Engin continued to look at the screen. He folded his arms and put them under his chin.


-I wonder if anybody listens to the people talking.


- The clubs, eight of the clubs is missing.


Lale was stretched on the carpet and was looking at the cards.


-Where did you get these cards?


-What is that?


Guns were shoot. The people were moving...


-Oh my God, that is a la mode these days.


Lale gave the cards to Engin.


-Sure, the fortune was unpredictable. The cards were mixed. She had two identical spades in her hands.


26-------------------------------------  xxxxxxxxxx


-Here is the man you wanted.


Murat was both working and talking to himself. Only the table lamp was lighting the room. He didn't like his last drawings, crushed the paper and threw it to the middle of the room. He looked very frustrated. There was a thunder, it was raining heavily and he had a thin coat on and was walking slowly in the dark, between the trees.


-I guess the problem is very big.


He pulled the collar of his coat, looked back. Paper Lady was approaching with an umbrella at her hand. She had a mischievous look and was laughing.  He bent his head down and didn't answer. The girl offered him the umbrella.  


-You are wet. You must have a problem. Can I help?


Murat was silent.


-Am I, the problem?


-No, sure you are not. This is my problem. I don't know, may be I don't have a problem. May be those are all my unnecessary fears and anxieties. 


- What makes you afraid?


-I also don't know very well. This is just a presentiment. My dream world created you. And I am afraid it will take you from me.


-Don't you want me anymore?


- I want you. The problem is that sometime later you will not want me.


-That is impossible. You are the only living creature in my world. How can you think I wouldn't want you?


Murat stopped, he thought.


-That is the problem.



He pulled an other paper from the pile on the table and put it in front of him. He got his pencil at his hand and leaned back. He fixed his eyes to the ceiling and stayed like that for a while. When he looked down to his table again, he saw his own face on the paper. The paper was flooding slowly.  He got up, closed the window  than returned back to his table. The paper was still flooding.


-Okay, whatever will it be... The God would not  be afraid of  his own creation.


Far away a skyscraper collapsed...




Engin, again leaned down his microscopes,  Lale was working with the computer. There was an equipment  in front of Lale, that seems as all its inside parts were taken out.   It looked like a music set, that some has taken all its inner electronics outside, to repair. Cables, circuits and many quire but nice colored parts.  Lale has placed one of  her trembling  her hands on the computer and the other on that machine and waiting for Engin's command.


Engin' hand was on the air for some time than pulled it down.




Lale pressed the button and some colorful graphics appeared on the monitor.  An electronic sound was heard in the room for a few seconds. Engin was still looking through the microscope with a frozen body.


-Is there any change?


Engin didn't answer back. He seemed as if he turned to stone. There wasn't any single motion on his face. Lale got up, stretched and wore her coat.


-I am bored. I have to go and do some shopping.


She began to gather her things in her bag. Engin didn't move. She opened the door, looked to Engin for the last time.


-Aren't you coming?


- Oh my God!!!!




Murat left the picture to the table. Six and seven heads went out. Mr. Hayri watched  their movements.


-What has happened? Will the girl like that man?


-Here I drew the man you wanted.


Mr. Hayri stretched to the table. Dilek gave the picture to him. Everybody was watching him but he examined the picture without changing his face. There wasn't any sound in the room. He turned to Murat slowly.


-No, it is not good.


There was worry and panic in all the other eyes.


- That is not good. That man doesn't look like me.


His eyes were locked in Murat's. Dilek giggled.


- We didn't want him to be so handsome.


The secretary started to say something, but she failed to do so. Mr. Hayri had a smiling mask on his face now.


-Good very good. I hope he liked mineral water.


Murat got the picture and took a close look.


- I hope he does.


-Eee, where would you like to spend your Holiday?


-Were you serious about that subject?


- If you want to spend your holiday in Turkey, I am serious . Choose a place to go.


Again they looked each other's eyes.




Dali was doing Tai-chi. With slow motions he was bending, getting up, moving his arms and legs to left and right esthetically. He looked like playing in a slow motioned film.


-The man draws his own fate.


Christ started to talk immediately this time.


-There isn't fate, there is the unique destiny of the universe. This is named as the predestination

in the living creatures and God makes it up.


- Does he monsignor? If I accepted my father's wish, I would have been a doctor and could not reach to my current position. In every picture I painted only I, independently created my fate.


-You didn't paint those pictures, it was a part of your predestination.


Einstein was tuning his viola.  Some creaks were heard from him sometimes.


- A pity that there wasn't music or art in my predestination. He put his tongue out and continued his Tai-Chi.


-You became the most important figure in the science. You are science itself. But we mustn't forget that   you also climbed the steps one by one. You created your own fate.


- I agree my dear sir. Human brain is very powerful, can cure the serious illnesses, can store many information, do a lot of things we can not understand very clearly. It was seen in East that some Yogis flew by using the power of their brains. The brain always acts against the physical laws.


-That is also a gift of the God and has limited capacity like all other organs.


- But the capacities get bigger each day. As science improves, the brains also improve.


Dali leaded back in a strange way and murmured.


- My brain is very capable.


Christ looked up


-Can you think about the end of space, what is after the space?


Einstein looked at Dali, smiled ...


-Here is the classical question.


Dali stopped. There was a mischievous child look in his face.


- I think sometimes the brain is very clever sometimes very foolish.


- As science improves we will see beyond space too. That is only a matter of time. But ...but..when our fate is formed, brain plays an important role. We create and kill our love, hate, fear and hope.


Dali turned around on his one feet like a ballet..


- Yes our love, too.




The bus station of Bodrum. Murat with his backpack moved away from the crowd. He succeeded to  be saved from all those people and crossed the street. He called a jeep-taxi. First replaced his backpack than himself to the taxi like a missioner. The taxi went from some narrow streets, for 10 minutes passed  through white small buildings that were imitations of the ancient ones and unhealthy plants. Then they where near the sea shore. Suddenly everywhere was full of tourists.


They stopped in front of a motel, where ivies and purple flowers were swinging from the garden walls.

Murat paid the taxi-driver and went to the motel with rapid steps. He didn't stop at the reception, headed towards the stairs. He descended down. The lower terrace of the building was on the beach and was full of people. The umbrellas made from reed left their places to plastic ones covered with cola and cigarette advertisements. There were people everywhere, even to walk on the beach was impossible. Locals, foreigners, many people were lying nearly nude  very close to each other.


He searched for what he wanted to see in the moving shadow of the pergola.  First he short glanced to all the tables, as he couldn't find what he searched, he examined all the tables one by one. No, what he looked for wasn't there.


He got unhappy. His joy left him, his tension increased. His head and arms were very tired. He sat down to the nearby table.


Immediately a waiter arrived.


-What would you like to have?


That he saw her behind the waiter. She was walking on the shore. His hearth began to beat. So she came. She was there.


-Later, please a little bit later.


He jumped off from the chair, walked with swift steps to her. Stopped, run back and get his bag. He winked to the waiter who was watching him motionless.


Than he heard a voice from the left.


The Ice-creams are coming....


Murat looked there automatically. That was a voice he never heard before, but a familiar one.  He just froze.


The man, he drew was running towards the Paper Lady with two ice-creams in his hands.


His blood stopped to circulate. His ears were humming. His rapid movements turned into involuntary movements. He just stopped. The man offered one of the ice-creams to the girl. Before the girl could get it, he took it back and grinned.


- Charlatan, he does my tricks to the girl.


In the second turn the girl snatched the ice-cream.  She pointed somewhere at the back, while the man was looking back, she rubbed the ice-cream to his back. The man jumped up.


Murat laughed nervously. He looked back and gave his decision. He wasn’t going away. He walked towards them. A few steps before, the girl saw him.


-Murat... you also came?


You also came? You also? Off.. here the world was collapsing. Before that point, everything was occurring as he wished..


-Hmm.. I thought...


- Look, whom will I introduce you.


The man exhibited all his white teeth under his sun taned face , like a piano was uncovered.


- Ah.. my artist ... Murat, Hi, how is everything?


What a impudent guy...


- I didn't know we would meet in such a short time.


Paper Lady was exhibiting a two face behavior.


- Good that you also came.


The man smiled again.


- Yes, we may need some final touches,  Hah..hah...hah..


Murat was just watching. But Paper Lady laughed and scolded.


- Don't be spoiled Sidney.




- I named him like that. Paper Lady and Cartoon Man. Like in the novel of Charles Dickens. The Tale of Two Cities. There was a hero called Sidney Cartoon.


-Okay, I understood, understood...


Sidney spurted out  the water drops from his hands to the girl.


-Come on, let's swim..


Murat realized that the girl has a swim suit on, her body was drawn with a pen. But he was sure that, the girl was wearing a blue- white stripped skirt and white T-shirt just a moment ago.  The man had a dark blue T-shirt and an orange short but now he was wearing a colorful swimsuit.


Off.. why was he worrying about an unrealistic situation.


- I don't want to come. You swim. I will sit and drink a beer.


- Beer?


Both of them shouted. Paper Lady was arranging her hair and walking backwards to the sea.


-But you don't drink beer.


-I want to drink a glass of beer.


His voice got thickened. he had a hotheaded  friend, Cemal who used to mumble like that. Murat realized that he was talking like Cemal. Sidney took Paper Lady's arm.


-Okay, pal you swim in the glass, we in the sea. Come on girl..


Paper Lady jumped to the water.


-See you..


Murat just looked after them. Two young bodies dipped into water.


He returned back to the terrace. Found a table, began to watch them swimming and playing. He sensed that the waiter was approaching. 


- I want my note-book.


He turned his head. Dilek was in his room and was leaning on him.


-Did I forgot it on your table?


He came to himself . Swallowed .


- No,I think I didn't see it.


- Hah, I was looking for that. I left it here yesterday.


She got the Bodrum leaflet from Murat.


-Did you decide where to go for your holiday?


He closed his eyes, leaned back..


-Bodrum is very crowded. You can go to Kas, if you want.


His face was turned to the ceiling. He claps his hands under his head, closed his eyes.


- Go alone. Leave your wife, children, troubles here..


-I don't want  a holiday..




Engin put another slide to his microscope. His faced got paled because of tiredness. Lale was preparing coffee in another part of the room.


-Let's assume that you are right. How will you control all these. I mean all the thing that will be done by the viruses....


Engin cut her sentence..


-Sure I am right. The viruses are responding to the magnetically differences. This system will improve and settle the system.


- The system will settle down, you mean...


-What ever it is. This is a beginning. We can communicate with them. Now we have to eliminate the problem of language. Mutual understanding.. That  all is.


-That is all.


- We will solve our problem. Me or others. May be it will take years but we will solve the problem.


-What do they say from the university?


-Nobody wants to accept. They lack imagination. They can not even communicate among themselves. Let's try again.


Lale made a sign as if to say what can I do.. She sat in front of the machine. Engin began to look through the microscope.


- We will try A-seventy-one.. Give one point two volts, but extend the duration.


-We tried A-Seventy-one yesterday.


- I know, now I have a different idea.


-Okay, I am ready.


Engin rose his hand. At that time the telephone rang.


-I will get it.


Lale got up from her place. She walked to the other side of the room and got the receiver.


-Yes, ha.. He is here dear.. yes as usual... what else can be?  sure, bye...


Engin risen his head, it was obvious that the telephone was for him.


-Murat is on the line.


-Tell that hairy brush that I will call him later.


-He will call you later, half an hour.. Okay..


He hung up the telephone.


-He is going out and will call you from home later.


-Murat never called me here. Did something happen?


-You could talk to him.


-You are right. Anyway let's turn to our micro-world. Are you ready?




-Apply voltage.




-I am a jealous man.  That motives me to improve, in order to be better of my rivals, I work..


Einstein was trying to paint. Dali was polishing his shoes while watching him.


-My dear sir, there are people, whom  you are jealous of  and there are people, whom you are not jealous but appreciate. This concept changes from person to person.


-In all my life I have envied Leonardo da Vinci, Edison and Newton. There are others too. Even when I was at the top point of my career I would regret it was not me but Newton that discovered the rules of gravity. Or I regret for not inventing the initial principles of airplanes.


-No I don't have these kinds of problems. I always think that a talented artist has a special place. I think all of them are masters. All the people who get the brush at their hands can not be the best  artists.  On  the contrary my pressure increases when I paint better than a good artist. Those are my motivations. But I have one rival. I am always jealous of him and try to do better that him.


-I think that's yourself.


- Bueno. I look at the pictures and statues that I made and think that is the artist I have to pass. I must be better than him. I say. Until I do a better thing, I feel very uncomfortable.


Christ looked up.


- The people, who think they are very important are jealous of others. When they can not act according to that important place, they are jealous of the people who can act according to their position naturally. If they are talented and are proper for that position, they are not jealous of anything.


Dali thought differently.


- I think there are different reasons of jealousy. You may have talent but your luck would be bad. You may be very clever,be educated enough, but your conditions could be bad. Than you may be jealous of others.


-Than you are not jealous but you are furious. Jealously involves being fury, but fury always does not involve jealously.


Einstein got some paint from his palette.  Dali was wondering about his painting but as the canvas was turned opposite to him, he couldn't see. He didn't want to ask also..


-I am sure you are not jealous of me because of the picture I am painting, my dear sir.


-Jealous of you, monsignor? Don't do that.. How come?


-Because you didn't see what I am painting.


-Anyway, I can guess what kind of a picture you can do. Don't be cross with me please but I know that you are an amateur in this field, so I talk like that.


- But you may change your idea when you see my picture.


- Change my idea? I hope so, monsignor.


-Here, it is finished.. Take a look.


Einstein turned the picture to Dali. Dali's eyes became large and brilliant.


-Oh.. my God ... you painted that?


Einstein was laughing wickedly.


- Yes and no...


-What do you mean? I think that is a Bruegel, isn't it?


- Yes, exactly. I just repainted it in order to understand the feelings of Bruegel. That is all.


- I was so excited Monsignor. Bruegel is one of the artists I admire.  But you painted very well.


- I painted with plain, transparent paint, otherwise how could I do it? But confess the fact that you were jealous for a minute..


-People should not be jealous of each other, they must not envy the other people. That is the God's wish.


Both of them looked to Christ.


Einstein opened his eyes very widely.


- That can not be applied. People sometimes get very jealous if they see someone else in a position they desire to have, especially if they are in a helpless condition, they get very jealous. Poh... Jealousy is a feeling everybody has.


-When God was giving such a feeling....


-What do you talk about my dear sir, even God is jealous of something.


Christ didn't like at all the last words. He turned and ..


-The creator is not jealous of anything. God is proud of what its creations.




Murat was at home with his children. They were making a boat from the paper together.


-Let's fold the paper like that, fold again. But this edge...


The boy was floating the half finished boat on the table.


His sister was looking at a magazine and the boat passed on the magazine.


-Sinan don't do that.


-I say don't do that.


Their mother shouted from inside.


-What is happening Cidem?


-Look at Sinan. he disturbs me...


- It is a lie mammy.


Murat turned to Sinan.


-If you want me to finish this boat. Don't be naughty.


He began to glue the paper, Sinan again pushed to boat towards his sister.


-I say don't do it..


Murat got up.


-Off... I am sick and tired of you. Can't you stay calm for two minutes? What is all about. I am not making the boat. Sinan give it to me.


The two children were  looking with frightening eyes, when he cut the boat into pieces and threw it to the floor.


-Here is your boat. Don't want me to make another one.


His wife appeared on the door, she was drying the dishes.


-Sinan ... Murat? What has happened? Why are you so angry?


Murat was still very angry. He turned towards the children.


-Go to your rooms.


Cidem and Sinan rose up slowly and went to their rooms.


-Why are you so nervous recently?


-If I am nervous.. I am nervous .. Don't bother me.


-I am not bothering you. But when you are nervous, I get  uncomfortable.


-Okay , okay.. I won't come out to your way.


-Don't talk nonsense.  Recently you got overloaded. Leave your work aside, let's go to a holiday for a few days.


-I don't want a holiday?


-Wasn't it you, who said you were very tired and wanted a holiday.


-Now I don't want to go to holiday. If you want you can go.


- I don't want to go alone. I want to have a holiday together.


-I don' t want.


-Okay, then let us rest for some time. The children and I can go to my aunt's house  in Marmaris.


-Okay, you go. It would be better for me to be alone for some time.


-What is the problem? Something happened in the office?


-No, nothing happened. Their isn't any problem. There never was a problem.


The telephone rang. His wife opened.


-Hello .... Hello Engin. Yes, he is here. Sure I am fine.. Let me give him..


- I will call him later.


-Talk to him, just for a few minutes.


-I will call him later. Tomorrow from the office.


- Engin he is a little bit nervous, tomorrow he will call you. No, no nothing happened. All is fine. .. sure I will say.. yes, don't worry. Tell my regards to Lale.. See you..


She hooked up the phone, walked towards the door, turned back.


-I hope your fury will pass. I have never seen you like this.


-Now you saw.


-Are we going to cinema this afternoon or..


-We are going.


-It would be nice to leave this world for two hours.


She left the room. Murat looked after her. He put a cassette to the cassette player, turned it on. After lying down to  a couch, closed his eyes, the music filled the room. He listened to the music for some time. Than suddenly got up. Walked to the window, looked down. The weather was getting darker. There were a few people in the street. He thought all the individuals were the same person.  Only one man had a different colored suit the others were all wearing yellow. Suddenly someone wearing a red suit came out of the next building. He began to run and  disappeared. The yellow people walked and became unvisible. There was nobody in the street.




Mr. Hayri touched Murat's shoulders..


-You look cranky today, what has happened?


- I am well, couldn't sleep very well tonight.


-They are making you work too much..


-No... not much.. I mean...


Dilek came in hurry. Her hands were full. She closed the door by her food. She left many papers, cartoons and other material to the table.


-Sorry... the other meeting took long.


Mr. Hayri got closer to the table.


- All are okay?


- I hope so... I got all we have


He took a drawing and examined it for a long time.


-Mmmmmm... not bad, but there are a few  points I want to end.  You always put the company logo to the wrong place.


Dilek jumped up..


-Again it is wrong? I told them so many times... but nobody listens to me.


-The address is also wrong. That is our old address. We are not in Yakacik anymore.


-I know, I know. I have given the address to them. We will correct it .


-Anyway those are not very important. let's come back to this young guy..


Murat raised his head and looked at Mr. Hayri. Mr. Hayri guessed that he would do so and locked his eyes on a point.


-Do you think his cloths are good?


Before anybody said anything, Murat talked.


- I can change it according to your wish.


-Calm down.. I didn't say anything yet. What do you think?


A person near Dilek talked slowly


-Can he wear something more modern?


-Like what?


-A leather jacket, blue jeans...


-Murat looked at the picture. Dark blue T-shirt, orange shorts...


Dilek interfered.


-I think the cloths  are okay but I believe he lacks personality.


- Hah.. that was correct. Now what will be done.


-This guy needs a little more personality.


Mr. Hayri put the picture in front of the light.


-Who is he? Coming from where, going to where? What is his name?


Murat was tense, he was listening in silence. Dilek talked with her usual maestro air.


- Yes, Mr. Hayri, we are listening you, you imagine first.


Murat felt, that he will enjoy a lot in this part, he came nearer to the table, put his head in his hands.


- Mr. Hayri thought for some time. He looked at Murat and shoot.


-His name can be Sidney.


Suddenly everything erupted. Murat  became as if he was hit. His friend caught him, when his chair was falling. His face became all green. Everybody was watching him. Only Mr. Hayri was calm.


-B... but why Sidney?


The words didn't want to leave his lips.


Mr. Hayri smiled :


-Very simple.  You know Charles Dickens's The Tale of Two Cities.


Murat could not believe his ears. Dilek jumped to the conversation.


-Sidney Cartoon. A wonderful idea... Cartoon Man.


Murat froze. When he was looking with empty eyes, Dilek continued.


- We have to find a name for the girl too.


Murat got up


- Sorry .. I do not feel well.


Dilek also jumped up. Came near.


-Are you well ? Can I help you?


His ears were humming.  While walking to the door, he heard Mr. Hayri's voice






Mr. Hayri was looking at his eyes, he was looking at his brain. He looked for a time, he looked...


- Do you believe in fate?


35 ------------------------------------------------------


Murat found a taxi for his wife and children than returned back to his house.

He watched their departure from the window. He took the telephone, dialed a number, heard Lale's voice.


- Yes?


- Lale ... It is me.. Murat.. How are you?


- I am fine but Engin is not here.


-He is wandering around, is he?


- Don't ask.. he is just thinking about those viruses.


- How is everything going?


- I think this time he will be successful. He began to get good results.


-Did he ? Bravo to you.. If he succeeds, it will be very good.


- If we can have patience and strength


- Can I ask something to you?




-What is the most important thing a women looks for in a man?


- Uff... if you still don't know that..... I am joking. I don't know... It depends on the man and woman. Or their opinions together.


- You mean mine...


Lale cut his sentence.


-I mean, some behaviors I like, will seem unattractive for another woman. The most important thing is the mutual harmony.  A harmonical dance, together...




- Dance, the figures are known but to take those steps together in harmony is the most important thing. The truths of today may be wrong tomorrow. The timing and harmony.. That's all.


- Oh.. my girl, how do you know all these..


-Oh... my boy.. we also lived many experiences. Who is that lucky lady?


- There isn't anybody, only there is a name.


- A name?


- Paper Lady.


-Paper Lady? Did you cut it from a magazine.


-Like that.


Murat was lying down in the couch with the telephone on his ear.


-Is she an artist or a singer?


-No, she is nobody.. just like that...


-You, artists are different people.


-When Engin arrives, tell him to call me. I missed the old man.







It rains slowly. The people outside were just wondering, two street children were begging for food, from the window of the cafeteria. Their misery was somewhat true but there was some degree of pretense too. They were trying to make people, who were eating in the café uncomfortable and receive some money.


Lale is reading her notes to Engin. Engin is cutting small pieces from his pizza and eating and trying to answer Lale at the same time.


- They called from Ekas, Mr. Faruk wants an appointment.


Engin made a “forget it!” sign with his head.


- They came from the computer company. The maintenance agreement was going to end this month.


- So what.. Let them talk to the management.


- The men have good intentions. They have to take the computers for a week, they don't want to  cause any problems to you.


Engin managed to cut a slice of pizza.


-Anything else?


- Murat called.


- Bad luck. I couldn't see that guy for a long time. What did he do?


- If you want, let's  visit him this afternoon.  I think he is in love.


- Is it true? To whom?


- He said the Paper Lady.


- He said that to you also? Funny fellow that hairy brush.



The waiter appeared. He was carrying an empty wine bottle. Engin and Lale looked at the bottle than  to the waiter.


- I thought this will interest you. One of the customers left it on a table.


- So what???


- If you look closely, you will see a note inside.


- A note?


While saying this, Lale took a closer look top the bottle. There was a roll paper inside. Engin got very excited.


- Like a movie. What  he wrote to the note, I wonder...


-I also don't know.. I didn't look. I found is recently.


- How did he looked?


- He came here for the first time. My memory is very good, if he came before I would have known. It was difficult to predict his age but  He might have been around forty, was wearing  a sweater and blue-jeans. If he weren’t bald, he would look younger.


Lale was very curious.


- Let's get that note out.


The waiter giggled.


- Look sir, if he wrote to a simple paper and left it on the table nobody would pick it up.  The serving style is important.


Engin examined the bottle from different angles, as he couldn't make it up, he asked


- How will we take this out?


-The best way is to break the bottle sir, but we won't try that.




- If we break the bottle, that would mean we showed disrespect  to the person who wrote the note. Give it to me. I will take it out.


He turned back to kitchen. Lale  drank some wine.


-That is the last note of today. What a strange world.. Anything can happen anytime...


She got silent. Looked out the window. The two children lost their hopes from the cafeteria and turn their backs to the window. They were begging from the people passing from the street. The waiter came..


-If they bother you, I can dismiss them sir.


-I don't know said Engin. Are they bothering us or do they want to tell us something. Don't do anything to those poor children. While going out we will give them some money.


-I took out the note sir, it is a poem.


Lale opened her eyes very big.


- What, a poem?


They put the paper on the table and read together :


I didn't see your return, my  mind was not with me.

I watched the hungry, plain world from my lamp-glass

I lived just like a fly, without touching living

Always missed the dream overflow from me, in the eyes of others


It is easy to break the glass, you just smile and it disappears

The lips are always exhibiting, if you are mistaken, life goes out.

Is it hard to paint the rainbow to the color of blood

Know that the lamp-glass is fragile, but the one inside is hard.


It was signed as the North Star


-Is his surname North Star?


The waiter didn't like that question. That was a question not to be asked at that moment. Without answering he pushed the note in front of Lale.  Engin was affected very deeply.


- It has the air of a popular poem but it is nice to see there are sentimental people around. That man has things to say.


The waiter rolled the paper again and put it back to the bottle.


-He also lives the same problem. Hmm... these are all nice..  but there is one thing I wonder about, sir..


Engin pretended as if he was wondering.  Looked at the eyes of the waiter. The waiter got the empty coffee cups from the table. Cleaned the table. Put the bottle on his eye-level.


-That man didn't bring the bottle. He didn't drink wine at dinner. I didn't serve a bottle of wine to that table.


37 -----------------------------------------------


Murat got up from his chair. He turned of the cassette player. The Paper Lady was laying on the floor and playing with a cat.


- I just say that you mustn't do that.


Paper lady pretended not to hear him. She continued to strike the cat.


-The music was nice. Why did you turn it down?


- I don't like this music anymore.


- You ? Don't love Wagner ? Can't be..


- Listen to me... You suddenly got into my life and mixed everything than you go...


- I am not going, I am with you . I am here.


- What about Sidney?


- That is your fear. Your fears made him. If you don't face with your fears, there will always be a Sidney.


-He doesn't have the right to go in  between us.


-Why? He is also your ideal. An excellent you.   You cannot find my relation with him wrong. He has everything you want, he is everything you wanted to be. He does everything you want to do, but failed to do so..


- But I am the God, The creator is me...


-Than stop us.  If you are the creator, destroy us.


- If I want, I can do it. I created you, I can destroy you.


- Than you would destroy yourself. We  are your loves, fears, feelings. We are all you have. In fact we create you. Without us you can not live.


-You think so.. Before I created you, what do you think I were doing?


- You were trying to create us. You deserve us more than anybody. I respect that, but don't forget all impact has a reaction.  Courage can be found with fear, love with hate. If you have one, you must be ready to get the other.


Paper Lady got up. She walked to the bar,  prepared a glass of wine for herself.


-You already knew them. You are angry because you can not lead a life with the feelings you desire.


-I can control my feelings and desires as I wish.


- We see that.


Sidney came in.  Murat looked at him angrily.


-The Tale of Two Cities, hah?


-What is the problem?


Paper Lady offered her glass of wine to him.


-Nothing, I will get another glass of wine, you drink mine.


Murat was wandering in the room with his hands in his pockets. Sidney did not drink the wine, left it on the table.


-We are getting late. We can get drunk after we return back..


He was a real playboy. Murat always wanted to have a playboy side. Now he had but he was unhappy.


-Where to?


Paper Lady got  her coat, while combing her hair Sidney came and kissed her from her neck.


-We are going.




Sidney laughed at her


- First we will eat something than go to a concert. Guess who is playing at the festival today?


- I don't want to know..


-Good, than see you later


-Ahh... I forgot to tell, we are taking your car, it would be difficult to return back.


And they left.


Murat was surprised. What car ? Weren't they only imaginary characters. He began to be afraid. Rushed to his window. Watched them leaving with his car. The motor hummed, the car first went back and went forwards rapidly. He rushed to the telephone. He was in  panic. He began to dial the numbers. He dialed them wrong, tried again. This time he dialed correctly, but the line was busy. He angrily put down the receiver.


-Why all of these happen to me?


Than he returned to the bottle. As he couldn't find the glass, he drank from the bottle.


He threw himself to the chair. Took out his shoes and threw them to the far corner of the room.


- Ahh.. I created them. I ... I created them.. They cannot live without me.


He stopped a little bit. His stomach was bad. He squeezed his face and remembered that in all his life he didn't drink more than one glass of wine.


-Off.. what a nasty thing that wine is.... All because of him...


Again he got  up, dialed the number.


-Who the hell are you? I created you..


This time the telephone is answered. Engin's voice was heard


-Murat ?


-I created all of them...


His voice spread to the room. He couldn't speak well, he couldn't focus his eyes to a point.


-Murat is that you?


-How is everything pal? How are the viruses?


-Hey hairy brush.. Everything is good. The viruses are fine. They couldn't get me, but I will get them..


- And I am defeated.


-What has happened? Where are you?


-I am at home. I created them..Now they are against me.


-Who are they?


-Paper Lady and Sidney


With the telephone at his hand, he sat down near the table. There were two drops of tears on his eyes.


-Who is Sidney?


-Sidney. Something of the two cities...Dickens..


-What are you saying?  Are you well?


-The man is more powerful than me, he is powerful, handsome and young.


-Sidney ? Who is he?


-Don't you know Dickens. We read at high school.


-The author of David Copperfield?


- Yes, Dickens


-What has happened to him?


-Sidney Cartoon


-The Tales of two Cities


-That bastard


Engin was trying to solve the puzzle. Lale was watching him.


-Is Murat fine?


-I don't know .... Eeee what happened to him.


- That bastard.


-Why do you call him as bastard..


- He ruined my life.


-Sidney Cartoon ? Are you well? You sound, as if you are drunk.


-Paper Lady...


-Yes? What happened to her?


- Paper Lady .....I want to be with the Paper Lady.


- Murat...  Will I come?


-I want to be with  Paper Lady.


-Wait me...


Murat hooked up the telephone. Engin was worried, he dialed the number. Murat opened the telephone in a few minutes.


-Paper Lady.. I want to be with  Paper lady..


Engin was getting troubled. Murat's voice was getting louder.


- I created you... I created you...


- Murat ... Listen to me.


- I created you ... I will destroy you...


- Murat don't talk nonsense. ... Lale call a taxi... Murat is not fine.


- I created ...  I can destroy.


He left the telephone, dragged himself to the wall.  The pictures of Paper Lady and Sidney was hanging together. He tore them..


- Do you think you are more powerful than  me..


The voices were getting more remote. Engin understood that things were getting bad. He got his jacket.


-Can I come, also?


- No need Lale. I think, drunk he is...


- He is drunk...


- Engin stopped and smiled.


- I will return soon. No need to be afraid of.. he opened the door and went out.


Murat was looking at the pictures.


- Who are you to run in the same track with me? take this.


He crushed the pictures. Made a paper ball from them. As if making a snow ball, he rounded them..


-Here take this... be each others'


And threw them to the fire place..


The papers began to burn immediately . While they were burning, a car stopped at the door. Engin rushed to the door. There was no response. He sat to the steps and waited for some time. Than he got up. Descended the stairs slowly. When he arrived to the building's door,  he saw the blue-red lights of a police car, and wasn't interested in them. The police car came and stopped at the entrance of the  house. One of the police walked towards Engin.


- Does Mr. Murat lives here?


Engin's heart began to beat more rapidly.




- Are you  close to him?


- Yes, I am his friend.


- He had an accident. His car is burned. They took Mr. Murat to the hospital


- Oh my God, it can’t be real!!


- Ten - fifteen minutes ago.. Near the open theater.


-Can't be... Ten minutes ago he called me from his house..


-We found this ID on him..


Police showed the ID. It was Murat's..


-How can it be?  That is impossible. I called Murat from here..


-It would be good if you went to the hospital sir.




There were many people near the car. The police and reporters were working rapidly. The fire was extinguished, there was water everywhere. Between people Mr. Hayri Looked at the car for a second. A smile was seen on his face and quickly it disappeared. He turned and walked.  There were the sirens, shootings, rushing people.




-Sometimes the borders of science.


Christ cut Einstein's sentence.


- Don't say whatever you were going to say. Silence is also a method.


-Living, existing..


-Existing is living. Living means feeling. He doesn't have to show his feeling.


Christ laughed.


Living.... there we always forget to mention about a small detail.. Living means living  in God's world, not here in this world.


Dali answered.

-No, Monsignor. We talk about living in this world. We will think about the other world, when we go there. The important thing is to live intensive, not to live long.


- Yes said Einstein. Living is the most relative concept. Long to whom?  How is it measured? Why short? How is it measured? Human life can be considered as one minute compared to the life of stars but in his entire life a man can live a moment longer than the whole lives of stars.


-Yes monsignor.. When we say good-bye.. To whom are we saying this... What are we leaving at the back.? Was it worth living? Was it worth consuming so many cells?


Einstein had a basketball in his hands, he prepared to  make a basket ,than he jumped...


-No, I couldn't do it.. Again it is not a basket, that dump ball... If I were successful for ones, I will give a month from my life.




People froze in the hospital. The time had stopped, there wasn't any motion. There were many people near Murat. Doctors, nurses.. his friends were worried and all were waiting at the door . They were discussing with low voices..


-Was he driving?


-He was alone in the car.


-What was he doing in the middle of the night there..


-You know he was planning to go to that concert.


-Spyro Gyra...


-Did you inform his wife.?


 - She is with her aunt in Marmaris. We sent the bad news to her.  She will get it tomorrow.


Engin was sitting in a corner.  He was clutching to Lale. She took his hand in hers and hold it tight.


The door was opened. An important looking doctor went out.


Dilek jumped..


-How is he?


- He is unconscious. His condition is very dangerous, I hope he will be better.


Engin rose up..


-Can I see him?


- Only one person.. Please don't make his room crowded.


Engin went in immediately. Murat had bandages on all his body and was connected to many devices.

Engin  sat near him . He began to stroke his friend's hair.


- Hey ... you hairy brush.. What has happened?


Murat couldn't hear him. His face was meaningless.  His eyes were closed.. Engin continued to talk.


-Weren't you at home? Didn't you talk to me? What has happened?


Murat still didn't say anything. There were only the machine’s sound,  the sound of the hearth monitor.

A nurse and two doctors were watching him.


- Come on boy.. Control yourself.  We will sail for fishing with you.


He tried not to cry, bite his lips. But two drops of tears went down to his cheeks from his eyes.


-Why? What are there so much struggle? Why to make wars? Is it worth?


He heard a music. Engin remembered, the music of Murat's cassette recorder. A faint smile was seen in Murat's face. Engin got excited.. It seems as Murat was in a nice dream. Engin shivered.


-Paper Lady?


Murat opened his eyes. He saw Engin. Engin said it again.


-Paper lady...


Murat had a faint smile on his lips, he closed his eyes again. The Hearth monitor began to show a straight line.. Many people came to help... He never opened his eyes again.


The music continued.




Life had forgotten Murat. Everything was going on it’s usual routine.



They were taking Murat's things from his room. Everybody was sorry, some were crying. They were sorting the files, emptying the drawers. Dilek put the notebooks, she was carrying to the table. He turned to the wall where three posters were hanging.


Here are the three musketeers of Murat. Athos, Pathos, Aramis.


People looked at her. She cried..


-And our leading actor... D'artagnan.


She returned to the wall where Murat's picture was hang. There was an empty paper.




A semi-lighted attic.  The bookshelves are placed near the walls and there are many books in them. Those are mostly the old books.  The red labeled  cassette is playing slowly  on the old fashioned cassette-player. The waiter is writing intensively on an old writing table. He finished writing and raised his head.


-There was an empty paper..


He got up, stretched and looked at his watch.


- And again morning...


The door was rang twice. He went to the window and looked down, he saw some people waiting. He turned back, looked at the table for the last time. Closed the notebook. He got his coat and went out. The cassette was still playing. He went down  and joined his friends.


Engin, Murat,Lale and the waiter walked on the street, stopped at the traffic lamp.  The books in their hands showed that they were going to the same university. The green light was on and they crossed the street.


They weren't aware of the Paper Lady who came from the other side of the street and passed near them.







Istanbul, November 1994.